Any good humour from a weekend away quickly deserted us when we arrived home.
We pulled up on the drive and established that not only was my driver's side car door open, some scummy thieving miscreant (words fail me, and there is one in the English language that I will NOT use) had stolen my Parrot bluetooth, my cd's, some sunglasses and an old mobile phone out of the glove compartment.
I was stupid enough to leave the car unlocked, but it was not deliberate complacency, the central locking is very temperamental and without checking the door handle you can never be sure it has locked by the remote. Unfortunately with all the hassle on Thursday evening (I didn't leave work until 4.50 - despite having been adamant that I absolutely had to leave on time that day) so we were rushing around as we wanted to get on the road pretty promptly.
The fact that some horrible little cretinous scum has decided that not only does he have the god given right (and I have a pretty good idea who it was) to trespass on our property (car was on OUR drive) , but he can help himself to anything he likes in MY car is absolutely infuriating. I hope that his extremities rot and fall off and that he comes out in a permanent case of acne which will torment him for the rest of his days.
To add insult to injury, the gangrenous little cockroach left the car door ajar which meant my battery is completely flat!!!
Just give me five minutes with the scummy, skanky little fuckwit. In the mean time, until I have the pleasure of meeting the moronic sophomoric entity, I will be cursing him with an affliction of Montezuma's revenge and projectile vomiting.
Where's my voodoo dolls.....
Sunday 13 June 2010
We Survived!
After feeding the ducks, we departed from the site and now we have stopped at Mark's dads for a cuppa before facing the Sunday traffic.
All present and correct, no limbs lost or injuries inflicted, pretty good going!
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All present and correct, no limbs lost or injuries inflicted, pretty good going!
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Location:Horningsham,United Kingdom
Peace and Calm....
...is restored :-)
Thankfully the rain stopped after a very short outburst and by the time we were ready to pack up, the sun was out and blazing down, drying everything that needed to be dried!
We have returned the tent to it's storage bag in a relatively prompt fashion, all that remains is to return it to it's rightfully owner!
Many thanks to Tom who entrusted us with his property in good faith that it would be returned in the same condition, your faith has not been unfounded.
Time for a cup of coffee!
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Thankfully the rain stopped after a very short outburst and by the time we were ready to pack up, the sun was out and blazing down, drying everything that needed to be dried!
We have returned the tent to it's storage bag in a relatively prompt fashion, all that remains is to return it to it's rightfully owner!
Many thanks to Tom who entrusted us with his property in good faith that it would be returned in the same condition, your faith has not been unfounded.
Time for a cup of coffee!
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Location:North Bradley,United Kingdom
Mute button please
And said child from four pitches down is whingeing again...
What is it about camping that makes some parents think it's ok for their little darlings to be disturbing other people's rest?
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What is it about camping that makes some parents think it's ok for their little darlings to be disturbing other people's rest?
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Seattle?
Take one sleeping area in a tent without an airbed.
Add one screaming child about four pitches away who would not be consoled.
Add a duck down pillow which evades your head and then turns into an object with the thickness of an A3 bit of paper.
Add two duvets spread out under you which are as flat as pancakes.
Add a section of ground upon which the tent is set up which is as soft as concrete.
Add an occupant in the tent next door (number 47) who is snoring.
Add a slight spattering of rain at silly o clock this morning.
Add a group of birds (feathered) who had not been told that dawn chorus is cancelled at the weekends.
Take all of the above items, add them together and you have got an alternative location for the film "Sleepless in Seattle"
I have come to the conclusion that I like the bathroom and bedroom to be in the same establishment, especially when my body dictates it needs the bathroom at six am and it is wet outside.
And somehow we have to get this tent down in a way which will minimise it being damp packed and be off the campsite by 11am.
Not quite sure the logistics of that are going to tie up somehow. And after having a lousy night's sleep, I'm not sure I care.
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Add one screaming child about four pitches away who would not be consoled.
Add a duck down pillow which evades your head and then turns into an object with the thickness of an A3 bit of paper.
Add two duvets spread out under you which are as flat as pancakes.
Add a section of ground upon which the tent is set up which is as soft as concrete.
Add an occupant in the tent next door (number 47) who is snoring.
Add a slight spattering of rain at silly o clock this morning.
Add a group of birds (feathered) who had not been told that dawn chorus is cancelled at the weekends.
Take all of the above items, add them together and you have got an alternative location for the film "Sleepless in Seattle"
I have come to the conclusion that I like the bathroom and bedroom to be in the same establishment, especially when my body dictates it needs the bathroom at six am and it is wet outside.
And somehow we have to get this tent down in a way which will minimise it being damp packed and be off the campsite by 11am.
Not quite sure the logistics of that are going to tie up somehow. And after having a lousy night's sleep, I'm not sure I care.
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Steep
Fifteen pounds for two jacket potatoes and a bottle of water is a bit much, in fact it's bordering on daylight robbery when they charge you extra for salad to go with it!
Longleat itself was lovely, but regardless of where you are and how much it is the norm, no one appreciates being ripped off for food!
Should you got to Longleat, take a picnic with you.
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Longleat itself was lovely, but regardless of where you are and how much it is the norm, no one appreciates being ripped off for food!
Should you got to Longleat, take a picnic with you.
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Saturday 12 June 2010
Survival
Andy and Ann duly arrived and erected their tent without any issues. After chilling out for a while we all headed for The Full Moon, which is a nice country inn/pub/restaurant about a mile for Brokers Wood.
As you can see, dinner was duly
consumed and enjoyed!
Can't say that the bed was the most comfortable, but then I lay on my side and I have bony hips, so now doubt going to be covered in bruises this week.
We have had breakfast and are finishing off the round of showers. Facilities here are pretty good, not quite home from home but pretty good. If they could just provide mute buttons for the screaming children in nearby tents, it would be five star.
Heading over to Longleat shortly. Weather is a bit mixed at the
moment, it's supposed to be nice today, fingers crossed the weathermen have got it right for once.
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As you can see, dinner was duly
consumed and enjoyed!
Can't say that the bed was the most comfortable, but then I lay on my side and I have bony hips, so now doubt going to be covered in bruises this week.
We have had breakfast and are finishing off the round of showers. Facilities here are pretty good, not quite home from home but pretty good. If they could just provide mute buttons for the screaming children in nearby tents, it would be five star.
Heading over to Longleat shortly. Weather is a bit mixed at the
moment, it's supposed to be nice today, fingers crossed the weathermen have got it right for once.
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Location:North Bradley,United Kingdom
Friday 11 June 2010
Hi de hi campers!
We started setting up the tent about twelve pm
and by quarter past we had the canvas relatively in place as you can see!
It did take another hour to get everything settled, guide ropes etc, but by 1.30pm we were all sorted.
As you can see, its the size of a small house!
When I said I was bringing a first aid kit (old habits die hard!) Mark rolled his eyes in that long suffering exaggerated patience style that men have perfected over the years since caveman was around. He was thankful of my precaution when a plaster was readily available after he cut his finger on a knife a short while ago mind!
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and by quarter past we had the canvas relatively in place as you can see!
It did take another hour to get everything settled, guide ropes etc, but by 1.30pm we were all sorted.
As you can see, its the size of a small house!
When I said I was bringing a first aid kit (old habits die hard!) Mark rolled his eyes in that long suffering exaggerated patience style that men have perfected over the years since caveman was around. He was thankful of my precaution when a plaster was readily available after he cut his finger on a knife a short while ago mind!
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Location:North Bradley,United Kingdom
Moment of truth
Having stayed at Marks' brothers, we are now heading over to Mark's Dad's for a quick brew before getting some groceries to take to the campsite :-s
The weather isn't looking too promising at the moment, hope we won't be putting the tent up in the rain...
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The weather isn't looking too promising at the moment, hope we won't be putting the tent up in the rain...
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Thursday 10 June 2010
Day of Reckoning...
...is virtually upon us!
We are in the car, driving down to lovely Somerset. Or to be exact, Mark is driving and I'm sitting as a passenger, blogging.
We are in possession of a tent which has been kindly loaned to us. I'm not sure that "tent" is an accurate description as I have been advised that it resembles a small house in stature! It has an area in the middle which could be used as a cooking area and it has bedrooms, which gives you an idea of it's size.
I suppose the bigger it is, the less likely we will get washed away...I have been too scared to check the weather reports, choosing instead to carry on ignorant bliss, though I have packed for wet n cold as well as warm weather, preferring to have plan B in place. Plan C will be sleeping in the car!
Watch this space...
We are in the car, driving down to lovely Somerset. Or to be exact, Mark is driving and I'm sitting as a passenger, blogging.
We are in possession of a tent which has been kindly loaned to us. I'm not sure that "tent" is an accurate description as I have been advised that it resembles a small house in stature! It has an area in the middle which could be used as a cooking area and it has bedrooms, which gives you an idea of it's size.
I suppose the bigger it is, the less likely we will get washed away...I have been too scared to check the weather reports, choosing instead to carry on ignorant bliss, though I have packed for wet n cold as well as warm weather, preferring to have plan B in place. Plan C will be sleeping in the car!
Watch this space...
Monday 7 June 2010
Camping Countdown
There have been a couple of changes to the well laid plans (!) for our outdoor adventure.
To start with, the tent that we were intending to borrow (as opposed to purchasing and therefore using regularly) has been found to be in a less than healthy condition by it's owner, to the extent that it's canvas was not in one piece and neither were three of it's poles.
The next line of thought (guess where/who that came from!) resulting from the tent's demise was that we should purchase one. My objections to this bright idea were swift and outright. Not wanting to need to use a tent on a regular basis in order to justify the initial outlay was my foremost objection, finding somewhere to store the damn thing afterwards was another reason.
However, not seeing another alternative (not one that would be acceptable for all parties anyway!) I was resigned to the inevitable, we were buying a tent.
As luck would have it (depending on how you view it) another tent was volunteered for us to borrow. So now we just have to hope that said tent will be remembered tomorrow.
The other variation is that we are going down on Thursday evening and staying at Mark's brothers, then going to the campsite Friday morning.
To start with, the tent that we were intending to borrow (as opposed to purchasing and therefore using regularly) has been found to be in a less than healthy condition by it's owner, to the extent that it's canvas was not in one piece and neither were three of it's poles.
The next line of thought (guess where/who that came from!) resulting from the tent's demise was that we should purchase one. My objections to this bright idea were swift and outright. Not wanting to need to use a tent on a regular basis in order to justify the initial outlay was my foremost objection, finding somewhere to store the damn thing afterwards was another reason.
However, not seeing another alternative (not one that would be acceptable for all parties anyway!) I was resigned to the inevitable, we were buying a tent.
As luck would have it (depending on how you view it) another tent was volunteered for us to borrow. So now we just have to hope that said tent will be remembered tomorrow.
The other variation is that we are going down on Thursday evening and staying at Mark's brothers, then going to the campsite Friday morning.
Daytime TV
One of the things I am absolutely, positively dreading when I have my knee done is the wonderful selection of tv programmes that are available during the day.
A good example is Jeremy Kyle - where all the scroats who are signing on and don't want to work for a living, air their personal lives and all the horrific promiscuity and pettiness that goes with it.
I have suffered it for half an hour in my lunch break in our canteen as the other occupant was watching it. In that time it has raised my hackles and irritated me more than a hedgehog scrubbing brush. I could not tolerate it for an hour, let alone three or four weeks!
It is my intention to stock up on DVDs and episodes of the series that I choose to watch normally, so that I do not have to suffer the horrendous intricacies and soap drama like details of the lives of those who bare their souls for reality tv.
A good example is Jeremy Kyle - where all the scroats who are signing on and don't want to work for a living, air their personal lives and all the horrific promiscuity and pettiness that goes with it.
I have suffered it for half an hour in my lunch break in our canteen as the other occupant was watching it. In that time it has raised my hackles and irritated me more than a hedgehog scrubbing brush. I could not tolerate it for an hour, let alone three or four weeks!
It is my intention to stock up on DVDs and episodes of the series that I choose to watch normally, so that I do not have to suffer the horrendous intricacies and soap drama like details of the lives of those who bare their souls for reality tv.
Sunday 6 June 2010
Braving The Great Outdoors
In recent months I seem to be prone to either coming up with some rather silly ideas, or giving into someone’s else’s rather silly ideas. The incident with the hairbrush was one such silly idea. Another one was when Mark said about going camping next weekend down in Somerset. As in, pitch a tent and stay in it for a weekend. For two whole nights.
The last time I stayed in a tent was about five years ago. That was also for a weekend, but we had access to my mum and dad’s caravan, so it wasn’t too bad. Prior to that it was when I was a lot younger and used to go on holiday with my mum and dad.
However, nothing about these previous experiences has made me inclined to rush down to Halfords, Millets or somewhere like World of Camping to invest in a tent and some camping equipment. The logic behind the reluctance is that if we purchase the camping equipment ourselves rather than borrow on this occasion, we would then have to use it regularly to ensure it wasn’t a waste of money.
Anyway, in a moment of madness I agreed to us going camping for a weekend, with Mark’s cousin, his cousin’s wife and their little girl. The little girl happens to be really sweet and easy to get on with, so despite my general aversion to/phobia of children, I can cope with that. It’s the sleeping in a tent and coping with the back to basics rather than having all the amenities of home from home like you would have in a caravan, or a hotel that is going to cause the stress.
Somerset here we come!
Tuesday 1 June 2010
House Elves
After waking up at seven on Saturday and spring cleaning the entire house from top to bottom, I decided that the carpet in our room and the landing could do with cleaning. In the shadowy depths of my brain I recalled that my mum owned a vax carpet cleaner. I procured this on Sunday, with a view to returning the carpets to a nice pristine condition with less effort than would be required with a scrubbing brush and bowl of cleaning fluid.
Because THAT was a bright idea! I don’t know what on earth led me to think that using a vax would be easier, but I won’t be making that mistake again! It doesn’t spray the water and foam out evenly, and in order to entice the machine to suck up the dirty water from the carpet, you have to press down on the front of the vax, while trying to push it. After fifteen minutes of battling with our carpet I was sweating profusely and had begun to resemble a human pretzel.
Recognising that my limited patience was being tested to its very limits and that it would soon be found wanting, I packed the offending carpet cleaner away, before I gave in to the temptation to throw it down the stairs. I will be purchasing a can of Vanish for carpets and hopefully using considerably less elbow grease with the landing carpet by using a scrubbing brush!
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Because THAT was a bright idea! I don’t know what on earth led me to think that using a vax would be easier, but I won’t be making that mistake again! It doesn’t spray the water and foam out evenly, and in order to entice the machine to suck up the dirty water from the carpet, you have to press down on the front of the vax, while trying to push it. After fifteen minutes of battling with our carpet I was sweating profusely and had begun to resemble a human pretzel.
Recognising that my limited patience was being tested to its very limits and that it would soon be found wanting, I packed the offending carpet cleaner away, before I gave in to the temptation to throw it down the stairs. I will be purchasing a can of Vanish for carpets and hopefully using considerably less elbow grease with the landing carpet by using a scrubbing brush!
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